The Cure For Snoring IS HERE!!
I'm pretty sure the technique I'm about to describe was used as torture in the Middle Ages, but whatevs... if it works, not many partners will complain.
The newest FDA-approved cure for snoring is...
Sticking a red-hot probe up your nose.
A company called Aerin Medical created the probes, which they heat up to 140 degrees before they jam one up your nose. And yes, it hurts. You DO get a local anesthesia first but they say afterwards, some people need painkillers.
The probe works by attacking swollen nasal tissue. By burning it up for a few seconds, the tissue shrinks and you can breathe again, so you won't snore for the rest of your life. Hopefully. It's supposed to be pretty effective, but who knows. If you're interested in the treatment, you can go to Aerin Medical's website and enter your ZIP code to find doctors in the area who administer it but spoiler: Des Moines is the closest place you can have the procedure done.