We all love 'Dumb Florida' criminal stories. Florida is viewed as a crazy almost mecca for ridiculous criminals and crimes. But we shouldn't always cast that first stone at the sunshine state, we have plenty of doofs here in Iowa, too. Here's the tale of yet another. It's the ballad of Benjamin Robert Gray, who committed a dangerous crime. No, I'm not talking about drinking and driving though, that is dangerous and stupid. I am talking about drinking the arresting police officers (non-alcoholic) beverage.

The ballad of Benjamin Robert Gray begins Memorial Weekend

Benjamin Gray is 38-year old a Spirit Lake resident who, like many of us, wanted to celebrate this Memorial Weekend. COVID cases are down, optimism is up, the weather was pretty good. Sounds like 'Beer Thirty' to me. Benjamin went out drinking in the tiny Iowa town of Little Rock. He had what I'd assume was a lot of beer and some... mary jane (mentioned in the police report). After he made the worst mistake a party animal can make: he chose to drive home.

Our story ends with a DWI and one officer having his pop consumed

At about 6 am, Benjamin was heading home from his night of tearing it up in Little Rock, officers got a call about a Ford Explorer sitting in the middle of the road in Little Rock. Police approached the vehicle and it was here they found our dumb criminal Benjamin Gray passed out in the driver's seat with his pants pulled down around his thighs, drunk as a sleepy skunk.

Police found the marijuana and some drug paraphernalia. Benjamin was put in the back of a squad car, and it was here that he committed his final crime of the night: Ben spotted an unopened can of Mountain Dew in the officer's cup holder and started drinking it. So you guessed it: they smacked the extra charge for fifth-degree theft on him.

Driving drunk, a big no-no. Having marijuana on ya, minor no-no. Drinking a cop's Mountain Dew, hell no-no!

Benjamin Gray via Vinelink
Benjamin Gray via Vinelink

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