A Look at Iowa’s Dumbest Laws

There are so many laws and regulations in any given state that it's impossible to know them all. It's even harder when certain laws aren't even enforced. The Hawkeye State is no different when it comes to bizarre laws. Some of them are complete head-scratchers, and with others, specific to certain Iowa towns, you have to wonder if city officials and police officers alike are even aware of them.

Per the website Only in Your State, here are ten of the strangest, and frankly, stupidest laws that exist in Iowa:

Moustache Prejudice Exists in Iowa:

1. It's illegal for mustached men to kiss women in public.

This law must've been created during a time when facial hair was taboo. Furthermore, as someone with a mustache, albeit a light blonde one, I haven't been stopped from kissing my girlfriend in public. I don't expect to be either.

Also: Be Careful How Long You Kiss:

2. It's illegal for a kiss to last longer than five minutes.

Men, let it be known if you do shave your mustache, there is still a time limit on how long you can kiss your significant other in public. Any longer than five minutes and you're breaking the law (and maybe blue in the face if you forget to breathe).

Drugs and Stamps Do Mix:

3. It's illegal to sell drugs without a drug tax stamp

This one is on the serious side, and there's actually a whole tax form you need to fill out too.

A Comedy Sketch Waiting to Happen:

4. According to Iowa law, one-armed piano players must perform for free

This law sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit waiting to happen (if the writer's strike ever ends). It's pretty cruel to make a disabled person perform for free, however, I must say. If the law had the least bit of humor (or sense behind it), perhaps one-armed piano players could at least be compensated with half the normal base pay for pianists!

Death Doesn't Grant You Better Parking:

5. It's a crime in Iowa to use a dead person’s handicapped parking sign or license plate

This one makes a lot of sense, as it's a form of improper use of a motor vehicle. But even in the grief of a loved one or friend, you're not entitled to better parking.

Ministers Must Be Mindful of Their Holy Water:

6. Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

Once again, enforcing this law is a project in itself. A police officer would have to pull over someone, or suspect a motorist of breaking liquor laws, find out they're a minister, and know this law in the first place. Quite the hassle granted it's a common practice on vacation or traveling between states.

Cedar Rapids Has Its Own Stupid Law:

7. In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, it is illegal to read a person's palms in the city limits.

I haven't spent enough time in Cedar Rapids to know if there are any psychics or tarot card readers within city limits, but if you're in the area and enjoy these practices, it might be worth a conversation piece to ask your psychic if they're aware of this law.

Ottumwa Isn't Exempt Either:

8. In Ottumwa, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

It's just plain creepy to wink at a woman you don't know. Here's hoping this one is enforced by the women themselves.

Mind Your Horseplay in Marshalltown:

9. In Marshalltown, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants

Likely one day, long, long ago, before motor vehicles were a thing, a man's horse thought a fire hydrant looked appetizing and decided to try and eat it. Thus, city officials had to act swiftly and pass this law.

Permission Must Be Obtained to Cause a Ruckus:

10. In Mount Vernon, one must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks or stones into a highway

Under what circumstances would it be permissible to throw bricks and/or stones onto a highway in Mount Vernon? Have the Mount Vernon officials heard a compelling case...ever?

Read more about these laws on the website Only in Your State.